Bad Guys Are No Good

Bad guys are no good, good guys are boring — unknown

We claim to want our significant other to be sensitive, emotionally fluent & intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, it seems that many people consistently chase the opposite: a narcissistic, self-absorbed person who avoids all forms of emotional intimacy as if it were an infectious disease = a “bad guy/gal.”

Why? Science documents that we’re subconsciously attracted to a “partner” who ignites passion within us, apparently that’s how humans are “wired“…..

Paradoxically this means, the “nice, sweet, kind & sensitive person” stereotype that we often claim we want, is what we actually reject in lieu of “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality. The “danger factor” involved in dating people who are strong & conceited has allure. Even when we know they’re wrong for us, we “jump on”, b/c it seems that “nice types” are “boring” & no one wants to be with a person who doesn’t know how to assert themselves, do they?

Hence, whether we want to admit it or not, research indicates that we “crave excitement” in our relationships & want powerful, extreme dynamics & stimulation around us. We want constant challenges in everything we do, including from our significant other/lover….

If this is so, it means, we subconsciously gravitate towards people who satisfy those desires & whilst the “nice guy/gal” may seem great on paper, much suggests that they turn out to be bland in real life?? As such, if we choose the “bad guy/gal” one only has oneself to blame if one gets burned by the narcissistic, self-absorbed “wrong type”, right?

👕: @paulsmith