Confident

Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you – unknown

Analysing “people-pleasing” – something I’m prone to – made me realise that the desire to make others happy was a symptom of a deeper issue. The eagerness to “please” stems from self-worth issues b/c it’s the hope that saying “yes” to everything asked of me will help one feel accepted & liked. This can only lead to the “maltreatment of oneself” by others & somewhere along the way I’d decided that my best hope for better treatment was to try & please the people who mistreated me, which over time became a way of life.

However, it recently dawned on me, that I’ve been confusing “people-pleasing” with “kindness”. When I think about my reluctance to turn down someone’s request for a favour, I think things like, “I don’t want to be selfish,” or “I just want to be a good person.” Consequently, allowing others who “spot this” & take advantage, something that can become a serious problem & a hard habit to break.

I realise now, that in recognising such “behavioural patterns” of others [& mine] towards me, there are “lessons to be learnt”. One way of recognising such “patterns” is by listening to your feelings & intuition. I’ve found that when I am involved in a pattern, my emotions run a bit stronger, kind of like a warning from my subconscious mind to PAY ATTENTION to what’s happening.

More often than not, I recognize the pattern when the situation has ended, or changed: hindsight is 20/20 in this way. It can be difficult to recognize a pattern while it’s playing out. So, usually we realize what happened afterward – which is OK – so long as you acknowledge it! In turn, life will continue to send us ways to overcome our patterns UNTIL we learn our individual lessons. So, the key is to be alert, remembering that what people “say” is a different thing from what they “do”, as such, a person’s actions will show you how they really feel about you. Therefore, when you’re OPEN to recognising a “behavioural pattern”, you can change it by LEARNING THE LESSON, & in doing so, CHANGE YOUR LIFE to PLEASE YOURSELF FIRST!