Power In Connecting

There’s power in connecting with other people —- unknown DA

Nothing is great about doing life alone. For sure, working on oneself, becoming the best version of yourself & learning to love yourself is critical in order to be able to live optimally & “give back”. However, when this morphs into an escape for fear of forming relationships, then such isolation can be a sign of “hyper independence”, a potentially damaging state, indicative of a “trauma response”.

Hyper independence can be related to trauma from past events. You might be overly independent b/c you learned that you could not trust others, based on relationship, friendship or professional “let downs”, or b/c you think you’re a burden, so you think “just rely only on yourself”. Such traits are clearly developed to protect you from further harm & probably without even your conscious awareness. The body & mind are naturally wired to form ways to survive trauma, it thinks, “I need to protect myself now so that no one will ever do this to me again.”

Emotional wounds take varying amounts of time to heal for each of us, hence it is valid to have hesitations about being vulnerable after a traumatic experience. However, doing everything on your own, being “hyper independent”, is exhausting & in the long term isn’t positive. We all need help sometimes & being “open minded” post trauma, to connect with the right people, can be transformative.

Given past “let downs” you know what doesn’t work. You know what “red flags” look like. So, when you see them again “move away”. But where you see people reaching out, accepting that kindness & additional support WILL positively affect both your mental & physical health. Intuitively, you’ll know the difference between someone who’s real & those who are not, so FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. Try to do things differently when you feel inclined to push back against help, consider how things might look if you accepted that connection, remembering that accepting help doesn’t say anything about your ability or overall independence. Moreover, you may find “power” in those new connections, something you won’t find alone….