Shame Derives

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable; so speak up — unknown DA

“Shame” is a painful emotion caused by the belief that one is, or is perceived by others to be inferior or unworthy of affection & respect b/c of the realities of one’s background, actions, thoughts or experiences.

As a means to survival, we learn ways to hide our realities that social constructs teach us are unacceptable/shameful. This “avoidance of shame” can become the single most powerful driving force of ones life, emotionally disabling us. The consequence of this, is that one’s true self is left underdeveloped & hidden.

As such, who one is, what one really likes, how one wants to live & one’s true passions are buried under a facade that’s created to avoid the shame of our truths as they do not meet conventional societal standards. At first it’s easy to play along but as time goes on an awareness of a “deficit” grows in us causing various maladies: depression, conflictual & faltering relationships, substance abuse & sleepless anxiety, pushing one further from what will make us fulfilled & content.

Any situation that devalues the self & triggers shame can also trigger anger. The anger experienced by a person who is shamed is like an all-consuming poison occupying a great deal of conscious thought that creates toxic repercussions incl. making oneself physically & emotionally ill.

As with all emotions, shame requires perspective. However, our response to shame is shaped by all of our emotional memories of when it was previously experienced. The accumulation of emotional experiences that reside in our memory, script our responses when a particular emotion is activated in the present. These emotional memories influence our decisions on how we live. Yet, shame motivates us to save face & so we must become aware of the inclination to hide when that emotion is triggered. This includes behaviors that are themselves a trigger for further shame: addictions, compulsive behaviours, harsh self-criticism/denigration.
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However, SELF-OBSERVATION that is often prompted by shame, provides an OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN, CHANGE or do something IMPROVED going forwards IF we SPEAK UP.