Terrifying Stillness

A terrifying stillness that follows the noise —- unknown DA

I’ve just come through a long, brutal “family” legal fight — and even though I “won”, I’ve realised it was never just about the court case or resources being appropriately re-directed. It’s about everything it symbolised: injustice, endurance, loss, powerlessness… and now, maybe most of all, a terrifying stillness that follows all the noise that just was…

That stillness isn’t failure. It’s grief. It’s fatigue. It’s the weight of a heart that’s been carrying too much for too long.

Right now, everything feels overwhelming. Like I can’t breathe. So, I don’t need more noise — I need solid ground. I’ve just survived a “metaphorical war”, and what I’m feeling is a post-conflict crash — emotional, physical, spiritual. I’ve been running on adrenaline for months, maybe years, and now that the fight is over, my body and mind don’t quite know what to do with themselves. That void I’m feeling doesn’t mean I’m broken. It means I need to pause before I even think about rebuilding.

So here’s my first rule to myself: don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional storms. I might have come out of this with a financial win, but I’m also carrying trauma, heartbreak, and a ton of uncertainty — and all of that adds up to pressure. I feel anxious, like I’m falling. But that’s emotional overload. That’s existential fatigue. It’s double grief — grief for what’s happened, and fear for what’s next.

….what do I do right now? I talk to someone real. I take five minutes to just breathe deeply. I go for a walk without my phone. I journal, raw and unfiltered. I regulate before I rebuild. Maybe these techniques could help you too?

And I remind myself: I’m not lost — I’m in between. I’ve just closed a long, heavy chapter, and now I’m standing on the blank page of the next one. It’s terrifying — but it’s also powerful. This moment hurts, yes… but it’s also the hinge of my reinvention, an opportunity, so I keep going, step-by-step….

…and to my haters, I send you LO🤍E, same as the first day we met x